Here’s the thing about asking for advice: you usually get it. Whether it’s good advice, or the right advice, is up to you. Asking does not obligate you to use the advice. 

I bring this up because I often hear back from people who, after receiving my advice,  took a different path. They expect me to be disappointed in them, or throw out a big “I told you so.” 

On my consulting journey, I learned long ago that my business is not your business. I’m an advisor. It’s your life and your company. If you decide not to take my advice, I have choices. Most of the time, it’s just a different choice or approach. Not a big deal. Sometimes, it creates extra work and we have to charge you more or adjust the engagement scope. In rare cases, the engagement is no longer a fit. The right thing to do is give notice and let you find someone else who can support your new direction. 

But I have come to understand that many entrepreneurs expect a second set of feedback in the form of gloating or shame. If it goes right, the advice giver might want to celebrate their individual brilliance (which is often just luck), or even to be given more control. When we fail or make mistakes, we might expect responses like this:

• Of course that didn’t work, I told you it wouldn’t

• That was a dumb thing to do

• You don’t have what it takes 

• Told you so

When we hear this, we might also hear an implied part: you’re dumb, you’re a mess, you’re a failure, I never believed in you.

First, if someone in your world actually says these things to you, reconsider their role in your life. Entrepreneurship is hard. The last thing you need is partners who put you in a one down position whether you succeed or fail. That’s a power game that you don’t need.

Secondly, if this is what you hear in your head, especially if you’re adding the implied part, you may be conditioned that mistakes are shameful. Past experiences with teachers, clergy, former co-workers, parents, or coaches -- people who we held in a position of esteem or authority -- affects our inner monologue. Expecting to be met with shame is head trash. Someone else’s fixed mindset is not your problem. 

Shame is a powerful emotion. It can drive us to perfectionism or avoidance. Often, we punish ourselves more than anyone else could, which spirals into expecting more shaming feedback. A shame spiral can be especially acute when you’re dealing with people and partners whose job it is to give you advice and help you succeed.

When you ask for advice, the person giving it also should not have expectations. If you don’t take my advice, I don’t assume you’re disrespecting me, or saying I’m not smart or capable (unless you say that to me, in which case, we shouldn’t work together anymore). As a founder / CEO, you have a more complete picture of your options than anyone else. You’re thinking about your business all the time. Decisions are your responsibility, and you’re accountable for them. Even if you signed up for a “done for you” service.

Of course I don’t want you to fail. But I also can’t cheat your learning process. It’s a delicate balance between asserting my opinion and controlling things in a way that avoids failure. I’m a peer who wants to support you on your path to success, while respecting the boundary that it’s your path. 

What if you started with expecting to be met with grace? How would that change the way you receive advice? How would that change the way you give it?

Quick reminders - by Friday 31 Jan

• File your W-2s and 1099s (and send them out before February 15)

• Finish your health insurance open enrollment (in qualifying locations)

This is the time of year when I remind you that if you get at least $600 of freelance income or conduct business in the City of Los Angeles, you are required to file an annual business registration and pay your regressive gross receipts tax by February 28. 

But the start of 2025 has given this city another kick in the teeth, so this year’s filing comes with a couple of wildfire relief caveats:

• If your business is in the ZIP codes of 90402, 90272, or 90049, you get an automatic extension to April 14 and a potential waiver of 2025 tax liability. Relief measures are yet to be confirmed. More here.

• If your business continuity was impacted by the fires, you may apply for an extension prior to February 28 at this link.

If this means Rick Caruso doesn’t have to pay gross receipts taxes on Palisades Village, my head will actually explode.

I have updated my annual summary of what the City of LA gross receipts tax is, who it applies to, how it’s calculated, and how to pay it. All the details are available on my blog.

One more note: applications for FEMA relief and SBA loans for physical structures close on March 6. SBA economic relief (EIDL) loans are available until October, assuming the SBA is allowed to function after Monday. Read on.

Federal loans and grants freeze: Remember back in November, when I encouraged you to get your SBA 7A loan applications in? This is why. Congress allocates spending. The executive branch is obligated under law to disperse the funds within the year. But it’s now a legal fight. We don’t know whether the Trump administration will allow Congressionally-allocated SBA loan funds and disaster relief to be dispersed, let alone CHIPS Act or the remaining funds in the infrastructure bill. We did learn on Tuesday that this dude who’s going to run the Office of Management and Budget thinks government spending that helps people who aren’t already wealthy is “woke and weaponized.” This is not just petty and cruel political retribution. It’s an attempt to erode Congress’ power to tax and spend and put it in the hands of one person. Find and contact your Congressional reps. 

Buy less or buy nothing: A significant group of consumers are expressing their intent to buy less or purchase more mindfully. There’s a group of influencers pushing a “no buy 2025” movement. If this is your customer, how are you preparing for less purchasing of goods? Consider leaning into your centering principle. When these consumers do buy, they want to purchase from companies aligned with their values. They’re also still spending on experiences and services. 

Eggs: Can you even buy eggs right now? I cannot. Due to bird flu, many of the laying hens that meet California’s higher standards have died. Our food standards mean we can’t just grab eggs from other states. When eggs are available, they may cost as much as $9. The impact state-to-state varies. In my case, hello, vegan cake. That’s if you can afford the cocoa: it’s up 145%, too.

Interest rates: The Federal Reserve board meets today and might have provided guidance by the time you read this. There’s very little chance of a rate cut. But we do expect the FOMC to have comments about the expected impacts of threatened tariffs and what I will generously term a less stable economic and political environment. I’ll write more on this next week.